Perfection Paralysis

Who else struggles to begin things because they’re afraid whatever they try is going to suck? Yup, me too. Especially when it comes to artistic endeavors. I get so caught up worrying about my inferior skills, I don’t even begin. That voice of doubt chimes in and I let the fear win.

I’m censoring myself. I see it in my writing, the ideas I don’t start. I see it in my career, tasks I won’t accept because I’m afraid I can’t do them to my standards. I once spent hours on a drawing I never gave to its intended recipient because I didn’t think it was good enough.

I worry an idea isn’t artistic enough (as if there’s a scale to measure creative). Then I worry I don’t have the skills to make it come to life. Then I don’t have the time. I need to make dinner, clean litter boxes, take out trash … I’m full of excuses. When the rare creative moments strike, I’m either too busy or too afraid I lack the skill to bring the idea to life that I don’t even try.

It needs to stop. I’ll never become the writer of my dreams if I keep censoring my thoughts before they try to escape as art.

I make lists of all the things I want to do in my life. Writing is always there. Who cares if my daily journal doesn’t help with my novel writing? It helps with transferring ideas from head to page, not to mention all the emotional benefits I get from talking to myself through the page about how I want to live my life.

I’m done stopping before I begin. I’m done cutting myself down. If I want to live more in the moment, that means honoring my creative moments as much as my drive to keep a clean house. It means taking the pause to jot down a few words between emails and dishes. There will always be a never ending list each day when I get home. I need to consider how I spend that time more carefully and appreciate every minute I can carve out for my creativity.

I’m done letting perfection paralysis win. Even if all I can manage is ten minutes of drawing while my daughter showers or five minutes of writing at her sparring class, I need to devote more time to my creativity. In a world where I often don’t know where I fit, it’s the one thing that’s always made sense. Time to worry less about the outcome and spend more time listening to that quiet voice wishing her whispers garnered more attention.