It Never Fails

No matter how strong my desire to write or create more art, there’s always a lapse between posts. It never fails.

Life happens. I get it. But why is creativity always pushed aside? If only work and kids and chores could be ignored that easily. I’ll admit, a lot has changed in my life since my last post. I got a new job in a new industry, plus a brand new editing project that’s both exciting and intimidating. My summer plans shifted to include a visit to my sick grandma. (I’m praying it won’t be my last.) Kids changed schools and our home dynamic changed drastically to accommodate. Feeling on the edge with my mental health hasn’t helped either.

Needless to say, life seems stacked against my artistic aspirations. Even when I manage to find a free half hour, I’m often too drained from the busy day to muster the energy for creativity. I can only blame myself, right? It’s my own fault I’m not strong enough to handle life’s responsibilities and practice my passions. (Another dangerous thought cycle I find myself caught in way too often.)

I need to get back to squeezing in my little thoughts here and there as they pop up, AND making the time to finish them. I’ve got multiple unfinished drafts waiting for me to publish to this blog, plus too many more that never made it out of Google Docs. Perfection paralysis strikes again.

I’m so hung up on my writing being perfect, I stop myself from writing. I’ve said it before. I’ll probably say it again. I need to stop worrying about finding the perfect words and just start putting them on the page. I’m so worried about not having a plan, not being consistent, not being good enough. What if I can’t capture the true essence of my original point when I’m trying to flesh it out six months later?

All the worries stop me from ever starting. THAT is what needs to stop. I need to stop judging myself, stop assuming there’s only one right way. If my “writing habit” means one day I work on 3 different blog posts and the next all I do is edit someone else’s story, is that so bad? What really matters is finding the time to practice without stressing myself out, something I haven’t been too successful at so far.

Hopefully the spirit of NaNoWriMo will help me shift my perspective. I don’t think I have 50k in me for one story, but I can certainly make writing a bigger priority in my daily life and start publishing some content instead of waiting for everything to be perfect. I’m starting to think my writing will never be perfect in my mind. It’s time to just put in the work and put some things out there. Worries be damned.

Will this be the time I finally stop criticizing myself? The time to turn the phrase “it never fails” around? Instead of never failing to talk myself out of writing, I need to never fail my writing again. I’ve got too much to say to keep it all locked inside.