“Please don’t lick it. Just eat it.”

Of the many things I say each day, motherhood prompts my most interesting responses.

“Please don’t lick it. Just eat it.”

I said this to my daughter on our way to karate. She has this habit of licking Takis (a small cheeto-like chip covered in red instead of orange powder), which annoys me for several reasons. Time is limited. Licking is messy. And isn’t the point of a snack to eat it for energy? Clearly playing with food annoys me way more than it should.

This time I caught myself after the words left my mouth. Am I a bad mom, strangling her self expression? Where do I draw the line between getting stuff done and letting her be a kid? Childhood passes so quickly. I don’t want to be the one rushing my daughter into the cold embrace of adulthood.

Why did these two sentences hit me so hard? Because they are the perfect expression of my exasperation. As a mom, some days all I want is a little bit of common sense. If we’re in a hurry, wouldn’t one think it’s obvious you should be eating the snack instead of playing with it? One would think.

This phrase hit me because in that moment, I completely forgot the joy of discovering a favorite way to eat something. I like to eat Oreos by pulling apart the cookies, eating the cookie with the least frosting, and then eating the cookie with the most frosting. Depending on my mood, I might lick the frosting off before eating either. Yes, that’s how I like to eat Oreos. But do I do that at work? Maybe in the privacy of my cubicle, but not in the shared lunch room. Perhaps that’s my fault, caring too much what other people think. But that’s another story …

Usually my frustration is about more than licking Takis. It’s an April Fools prank she insisted on showing me during the post-work/pre-dinner chore frenzy to see if she could get me to step on an egg. Seriously? I love this child, but she doesn’t want to know what would’ve happened if I had actually stepped on that egg. Fucking momxplosion.

Those two sentences, my tone of voice, full of stress from the incessant bustle of daily life, all of it came together to remind me there comes a time when I have to let go. Is licking Takis the battle I’m choosing to fight today? No way.

I may think I’m doing her a favor, teaching her a lesson with those two sentences. What I’m really doing is trying to relieve my own discomfort, soothe my fear that I’m an awful mom who can’t teach her child proper manners. I don’t see the other side, that I’m a good mom whose daughter is comfortable enough around her to test her limits by eating her afternoon snack in a whimsical fashion.

I can tell her a million times to practice karate or brush her teeth or write neatly so teachers can read her answers. That’s all I can do, try to teach her good habits and support her health and growth without sharing too many of my own flaws. I can’t make her care more about her behavior or the way it affects those around her. Why should she? I’m the one with the perfectionism complex. Do I really want to pass that off to her? Sadly, I don’t think I can help it. I already see so much of myself in her. But I’m trying to share less of my bad qualities and more of the good ones.

Motherhood is trying to teach your child how to survive in the cruel world without stamping out the small joys they find along the way. I hope I’m not failing too terribly. I’m trying to find the line between needing everything perfect (aka MY way) and letting her take on life her way. Some days I do better than others. Way better.

“Please don’t lick it. Just eat it.” This reminded me that some days I need to just relax and let her lick her Takis.